I feel so tired. My body is tired my eyes are tired my muscles are tired. So tired.
And I have a child who is sick and needs love. A lot of love. And time. When all I want is my own thing including crawling into bed and waking up never, I'm asked to put all this to the side to care for someone else.
My mind is resisting it all. My body just wants to be alone. My guilt is strong.
How do we feed ourselves in moments like this? I am writing this because I am asking this.
How do I feed my self in this moment when I'm really wishing things were different? Where I sometimes spiral into self loathing, impatience and frustration, how do I genuinely feel okay with this moment?
I guess I pause. Take a breath. Care for my child from the same place of love I am saving and craving for myself. Feel. Breathe. Write.
I remember that this too shall pass.
I realize the endless times my mother spent feeling the same way over the years.
And all other mothers in this very moment feeling the same as me.
I sit with life as it is. Like right NOW. The crying has stopped. She's fallen asleep. It's quiet around me. I see the trees outside. I hear the furnace humming. I feel the tired.
And now, a calming inside me.
For a moment.
I'm sharing this recipe because I was reallllly happy with it. And so was Hazel. Using only buckwheat flour can make for a really dense loaf but because of all the mushy bananas (use really ripe ones and maybe even add one more) it lightens everything up.
I also sliced the loaf and froze extra pieces. I put them in the toaster when we needed a snack, added a little butter, ok a lot of butter, and yum yum.
Buckwheat Banana Bread
recipe from THIS SITE HERE
1 3/4 cups buckwheat flour
1/3 cup pure cane or coconut sugar (or maple syrup)
2 heaping teaspoons cinnamon
2 heaping teaspoons baking powder
pinch of mineral salt
4-5 large very ripe bananas, mashed (about 1 3/4 – 2 cups)
1/3 cup light flavored olive oil, coconut oil (in liquid form) or hazelnut oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
In a medium/large mixing bowl, combine the buckwheat flour, sugar, cinnamon, baking powder and salt, mix well. Add the mashed bananas, oil and vanilla, mix to combine. Place batter in a lightly greased 9×5 loaf pan and bake on the middle rack for 50 minutes. Remove from oven, let cool about 10 minutes and enjoy.
Makes 8 – 10 slices.