today i shared something before it was time to share it.
i had been mulling over something for a few days, doing research and pondering whether to embark on something that would require a lot of my time and energy. it was really in its infancy of becoming or becoming clear. this feeling was exciting, generous, curious, butterfly-like.
it was meant for just me. to explore and understand it, to mull around in it for a while, for it to be seen. like a baby so vulnerably relying on its mother to honour its needs, i've come to see that ideas often need to be held and cared for before exposing them to the outside world.
so, i shared it too soon. and i could feel it the moment i did. it was before it fully landed in me, before having all the pieces ready to talk about, before it was ready to be exposed. I already asked someone else what they thought about it.
from the outside, this looks pretty minuscule. i mean, i shared the idea with a close friend, really not a big deal right? looking to those we love for their thoughts and guidance is not only helpful but normal.
but inside i could feel it.
i shared it before it was ready to be expressed. i shared it before it could reveal an answer in me, for me.
in some excitement, haste and perhaps insecurity and impatience, i opened the container and let out a little leak. suddenly it wasn't butterfly-like, the sacredness and delicacy of it dampened. now it was out before i even really knew what it was.
i've learned this lesson before, many times before. but lately I'm noticing it more. that feeling of spilling something that was being asked to be taken care of in order to get to an answer that only i can anyways.
and once it has been expressed, you can't take it back.
in this time where oversharing and exposing ourselves is the norm, we can be quick to get an idea and run with it before we really understand what it is or how it's guiding us. we can be so eager to skip steps in the delicate process of ideas or life unfolding.
perhaps if we pause and pull back, we could see some patterns for ourselves. what are we actually reaching for or trying to fill when we quickly expose ideas? how might the ideas that land in our lap or hearts have been different if we kept them close for a while - nurturing them in their infancy until they were ready to make their debut into the world? if we break them out before they have themselves anchored in us, the foundation may not be stable enough yet to hold what was eventually going to take shape.
give it time. honour the ideas. eventually, when given the space, the next step will be clear.